Doubt is like poison in my cup of creativity. My mind is filled with emptiness. I am lacking substance. Can't seem to discover that inner beauty that everyone seems to see but me. I remember those eyes. I remember those hands. That image in the mirror is me but I am not there. The quiver of a memory circulates through my body as if trying to breath life back into it. Memory after memory rushing through me likes jolts of electricity. Pulsing every which way attempting to make the empty shell that stands cold feel again. Grasping desperately at mere recollections of a time long since past or perhaps grasping onto a time that will never be. Doubting every step I took and every step I will take. The past blurrs into the present and the present blurrs into the future. I refuse to be a regret. I refuse to be a doubt. I will not stand by and become just a memory. I am breaking free of this shell. I am shedding this doubt. I am conquering this mountain of uncertainty and once I reach the top I will scream. I will scream for all those that couldn't scream before me. My voice will ring out and I will no longer be just a memory.I will be the woman that I have so long wanted to be.
This makes me want to cry, and smile deeply at the same time.
ReplyDeleteScream, that's what I have so often wanted to do.
We could scream when we were children, but the world is so upset if we scream now. Not screaming at people, just screaming. Filling the voice with high pitch.
No more empty sound.
Love you dear daughter, and I love this voice you have! I was so afraid you would never get it, but you never lost it. We scream together many times. Demeter and Persephone.
love, Mom, Raven Su.Sane
Also, there is something really powerful about this flower over your face!
ReplyDeleteYou are cutting through like tulip, bringing your new ideas into this world.
love, Robert & Su.Sane