Watched a movie tonight that really brought out some inner feelings. I realized a very important fact. Fear is a necessity if you are going to survive. Many people I am sure would not agree. "To live in fear is not living at all" they would say. Ahh but I believe that to live in fear and then still step forward and do it.....now that is something all on it's own. That is a strength in your soul not just in your body. I am scared shit less so I suppose I should be this incredibly strong and independent woman. Well......(pausing to ponder this observation) I am working on that haha. I have always had this image in my head that you have to be incredibly strong and brave to ever amount to anything. You can imagine my disappointment when I realized that I was "scared" and "weak". Thinking back on a book my mother wrote that talks about thoughts that are real and thoughts that are not. If the thoughts make you feel like a star than they are real and the thoughts that make you feel like a dot are not. That seems to make even more sense not that I am an adult. I have to decide for myself what thoughts are real and what thoughts are not. The thought that I am scared and weak isn't real at all. I am a strong independent woman and I don't need someone to tell me that. I know it already. I am capable of anything. Georgia O'keefe's life made me realize this. She was just an ordinary woman with a pretty ordinary life but she created such masterpieces. I don't need to travel around the world and live this extravigant life to create. I can be extraordinary right where I am. I do have to admit that scares the hell out of me. I always told myself that if only I traveled abroad and studied with the best of the best. If only I didn't get married so young and start popping out babies. If only if only if only..........My journey needed to take me here. Now I begin the next step in my journey. I am ready for it. My soul hungers for it.
Finally, I get to read this one.
ReplyDeleteSo beautifully said, and much room for thought!
I love you remembered the book "Real Thought".
You were the right child to give it all to in words.
I was much moved by this film, "Georgia O"Keffee", I remember so much how she was your first Muse when you were a small child, and now you have found the reason why. Awesome.